Devil Movie Reviews, Pictures - Rotten Tomatoes

Poor Shyamalan. It seems Devil Movie Reviews, Pictures - Rotten Tomatoes continues his streak of bad movies. Not going to do my own review at this time because I don't feel like wasting my money. Ok, technically he just wrote the story, but still.....

Malice in Wonderland

What's more bizarre and surreal then Alice In Wonderland?  Malice in Wonderland, of course!  In this flick, Alice is hit by a Taxi driver named Whitey at the start. I can dig it. In Wonderland, the rabbit (Whitey get it?) is a device to get Alice into Wonderland as well, so it makes sense.  Only this time Wonderland is populated by the strangest gangsters you'll see. The person you think is the Red Queen isn't, instead at Alice's "trial", you get the Red Mafia Boss.  Yeah...
Maggie Grace gives a good and credible performance but Danny Dyer has the best  performance and lines in the movie by far.
The movie isn't bad, but it has a major problem. The characters are fanastic (most of them anyway). The visuals are striking and trippy. Sounds good, so far right? The problem is that the plot under-performs and becomes a jumbled mess at times. The film more driven by its outlandish characters to have reached its full potential.
I don't have a star system, so I'd say I'd have to give it about it about three homosexual flamingoes out of a possible five.

Subspecies 2 Bloodstone

Yes, I'm back! This time I'm reviewing Subspecies 2: Bloodstone. What comes to my mind is this movie, finally a vampire that isn't a weepy little cry baby like Twilight * Instead, Radu is a bad-ass, evil Nosferatu type vampire that is not a masturbation fantasy for teen-age girls. In fact, Radu kills sensitive "good" vampire from from the first movie in this series early on. The plot is simply and enjoyable. Radu's  fledgling Michelle steals a holy vampire artifact from Radu and his Mummy, and Radu chases Michelle through lush Romanian landscapes.

The film does sag a little in middle, with some slow parts that weren't really necessary, such as Michelle's sister, her boyfriend and professor breaking into Radu's castle only to leave when they're told to.

The characters are sympathetic and believable. Radu does have love in his own twisted and perverse way, while still being wonderfully over the top. Michelle's reaction to her first kill is believable.

Overall, great blast from the past from before vampires went politically correct and "sensitive" and from long before anyone decided vampires should be "vegetarians"




*Yeah, I know linked to Twilight, while calling its characters crybabies, but gotta make money somehow, right?

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A full bodied parakeet barked

A strange sentence, I'd admit, but apparently a full bodied parakeet barked.

Mary Shelly's Frankenstein

Mary Shelly's Frankenstein

We all know the story of Frankenstein, right? An eccentric, blood thirsty and bizarre Eastern European nobleman becomes obsessed with an innocent young English lady and Dutch doctor as bizarre as the creature itself is the only one that knows how to destroy the creature, right? Oh, that's a different one.

In this film Kenneth Branagh plays the good doctor Frankenstein. Devastated by the loss of his mother, he vows that he will “cure” death. Off to medical school he goes. After a peasant kills his favorite Professor Waldman (John Cleese), he finds the professor's notes on how to build an abominable creature from “materials” recovered from dead bodies and gets to work. Ironically, he basis the creature, at first, on the body of Professor's Waldman's murderer. Some other stuff happens and the creature returns to destroy Victor's life.

The performances of the cast were wonderful. Robert De Niro is truly a modern day Prometheus as the creature, evoking the pathos of Greek tragedy.

In other areas, the film falls flat. Frankenstein, after a break taking scene of birthing the creature is all too quick to call out “What have I done?” Why proclaim the creature a vile failure so quickly? Because it's ugly? He already knew that before it came alive. Perhaps the film is a victim of the viewer's familiarity with the basic story. I guess we're supposed to “know” the creature is an abomination, therefore after 30 seconds of slipping on birthing fluid on the floor with creature, the doctor realizes it is too.

Yes, earlier I did say “some other stuff happens.” Other stuff is being kind. The doctor goes back to Geneva and prepares to marry. This section is dull and goes on way too long. Oh and the creature meets the old blind guy and remembers how to play the flute and beats up the landlord.

The ending is where De Niro's performance really shines as the creature.

Overall, I can recommend this film thanks to the work of De Niro.

Color Me Kubrick

In this film, John Malkovich plays Stanley Kubrick, the alcoholic, promiscuous , flaming homosexual British film director. The preceding statement was a con. In fact, Malkovich plays Alan Conway, the bizarre old queen that pretends to be Kubrick for the purpose of milking is marks for favors (sexual and otherwise) in the “true-ish” story.

Conway knows so little about Kubrick that he accepts praise for “Judgment at Nuremberg”, which was not a Kubrick film at all. Conway doesn't look anything at all like Kubrick either and excuses that by explaining that he shaved his beard. I was surprised that Conway even knew Kubrick had a beard. Even so Conway manages get away with this for several years, despite the real Kubrick being informed.

I was a bit disappointed by this one, I'm afraid. John Malkovich does give a great performance as can be expected. The film itself is disjointed and episodic without a coherent plot. When we think Conway has hit rock bottom after being discovered to be fraud, its just time for another conning episode. The film also never fully explores Conway's character. There is a sense that perhaps the conman has been playing Kubrick for so long that he's lost his own sense of self, but that's never fully explored in the film.

Killer Drag Queens on Dope

As soon as I saw this ultracampy gem on the shelves of Blockbuster shelves, I knew it was filmed for the expressed purpose of being the first subject of little column. It's completely unfitting to view this movie whilst completely sober, but I will endeavor to rate this flick accurately as possible.

The movie centers around two hitwoman drag queens Ginger ( Alexis Arquette, aka Eva Destruction) and Coco (Omar Alexis) Arquette and Alexis are perhaps the best looking film drag queens I've ever seen. They're far more attractive than Wesley Snipes' Noxeema Jackson. Ok, that's not a fair comparison; if I put a dress on my cat, he'd be a better drag queen than Snipes. Seriously though, the ladies are lovely.

Arquette and Alexis give the only passable acting performances in the film. The plot is silly, as can be expected. A baddie called Uncle A (Don Edmonds) wants a brief case controlled by his fellow baddie Richie (Don Lucas) and the real reason for this isn't revealed until the end. So naturally, our ladies have to kill everyone that stands to share in the contents of the briefcase. That's about it for the plot. The film makes a passing attempt at interpersonal drama by having Ginger's boyfriend Bobby (Mario Diaz) and Coco not like either other.

Most of the acting is terrible and the camera work in very uneven (at one point in Ginger and Coco's living room, it looked like we were looking through a security camera.) Where the film succeeds is that it doesn't take itself too seriously and never has any delusions about being a great movie by most conventional standards. Your mom won't like it, but if you will, you already know who you are ;)